Truth #2 for YM about dating and marriage

No, you didn’t meet in heaven before you came to Earth…

Today we're going to help you do a little reality check before you propose to that girl that you've been dating for the last 3 weeks. Let's see if you are seeing things clearly...

She’s sweet. She is a pretty young woman. She is a righteous Latter Day Saint and wants what you want: to get married and start a family. But it’s even better than that. She is fun, she likes your jokes and thinks that the stupid handshake thing you do with your roommates is funny. She kisses you every time she see’s you and kisses you as much as you want. When it’s time to go watch a movie, you want to watch the same one-it’s like she’s the other half of your brain!

It’s incredible. You like the same music. TV watching is a breeze because you both love the same shows (Survivor, American Idol, and House!). As you talk about the future you find out that you both want the same number of kids. You both want to have 5 kids and name the first girl Khaylee Mackenzie (you even agree on the spelling!!!! OMG). There’s no way this is just good luck—it’s like it is destiny or fate. It's like she was created just for you and that you've just been passing time until you found her. It’s like you met her before you came to Earth—cue the Saturday’s Warrior soundtrack.

Well guess what? Dumb luck has smiled on you. I don’t know exactly what happened in the pre-existence, but I think that it’s highly unlikely that you met in heaven in the pre-existence, fell in love, then both came to Earth at the relative same time, were born in the same part of the world and ended up in circumstances that allowed you to meet and fall in love (again). Actually, I do know what happened in the pre-existence and we weren't on the pre-mortality dating circuit (I'll fill you in on the pre-existence on another day).

The highly likely truth is that there is no such thing as "one and only" true loves. The fact is that there are thousands of girls that you can be happily married to and many, if not most, of them will develop into a soul mate whom you feel like you couldn't live without. There is no destiny, no fate, no "remember to look for me when we get to earth" storylines.

I have to admit I can't wait for the responses to this one--nothing stirs the anger of the XX chromosome like attacking romantic love and destiny, etc. "What do you mean? Don't you love your wife?!?! I KNOW I was supposed to marrying Bob..."

First young man, let's look at the circumstances of your current relationship. Remember, you met her in that science lab—the Tuesday-Thursday science lab that you ended up registering for only because you couldn’t take a Monday-Wednesday afternoon lab because it interferred with you video game schedule. Sorry, but the Holy Ghost did not prompt to play Halo on your XBox to arrange this chance encounter. Enough of the sarcasm. The great girl you met 3 weeks ago probably isn’t your predestined, eternal soulmate. You shouldn’t go ahead and propose to her next weekend and get married in two months during the Christmas break.

Why are you so anxious to pair up? Why does your heart seem to scream “She’s the one!” Well, let’s review the obvious. You just spent two years telling anyone who would listen to you that having an eternal family is the ultimate source of joy, so you want to get married. She wants to get married. You’re probably between the ages of 21-25 and a virgin and that means you want to have sex. She is cute. As a good LDS, you can’t have sex without marriage. She seems like she is totally into you. You want to have sex. And it’s going so well. Did I mention that you have want to do the thing that makes babies?

I can’t wrap my head around eternity. But I can tell you what ten years is like and I can guess what 60-70 years is like. And while after 5 dates in the span of 9 days everything seems perfect and like she is everything you’ve been dreaming of, it’s not enough to know how it’s going to go for the long haul. And she doesn't know how you really act when you're not trying to impress her. Heck, you probably don’t even know how she handles her menstrual cycle. You need time to figure out whether you like each other when you're each on your not-so-good behavior. You need to know if you can sit together and not talk (or kiss) and be comfortable around one another. You need to see if you like being with one another after you run out of good date ideas. You need to see if you still want to be with her after you find out that the one hottie in your singles ward is now available and wants to go out with you. Take your time.

Last but not least, let's dispel the most controversial not-highly-likely truth related to this subject. Just because you get a good feeling when you prayed about marrying this girl, don't get the dumb idea that she is "THE ONE". The highly likely truth is that there is no such thing as "one and only" true loves and that means that when Heavenly Father gives you the green light after prayer all he is saying is that "Yes, this would be ok with me" (try saying that in a deep, steady voice--it actually works). We'll expand this topic one day but remember Heavenly Father doesn't only have a vocabulary limited to "yes" and no-answer (he's deity for Pete's sake!). So, she is not the one you have to marry. You simply can marry her. And she may very well be the one you ought to marry, but that doesn't mean that you have to do it right away, you know.

What you need to keep in mind is, happy hunting, take your time, and if the courtship doesn't make it to the temple doors, don't lose heart. She wasn't "THE ONE".