Truth #1 for YM about dating and marriage

She won’t wait for you; She won’t wait for him either

It’s such a timeless scene. The young, fresh faced 19 year old young man arrives at the airport ready to fly to the Missionary Training Center. He has been recently set apart as a missionary and is ready to take on the world. His parents, primary teachers, and young men’s leaders have prepared him for this day. He is ready to convert the world and bring salvation to Guatemala (or wherever he’s going).

As he makes his goodbyes to family and friends, he turns to his sweetheart and gives her the “handshake”. This handshake is unlike any other handshake that he has exchanged before. It lingers longer, its firmness is matched an intense tenderness. And while he longs to put his arms around her for one last embrace, he refrains and obeys the mission rules. He loves her (or so he thinks) and wants to be with her. He leaves her because he loves her and because she has declared that she will only marry an RM.

How does he manage this? How can he leave her? How can he resist putting his arms around her and kissing her one more time? He can do all of these things because of a promise: “I will wait for you”.

This is one of the most likely truths that young LDS men discover in dating and marriage—No, she probably won’t wait for you. Actually, let me put the highly likely truth right out there: She will NOT wait for you. I know what you’re thinking, “But she’s different!” Let my little green friend Yoda tell you: “Wait for you, she will not.”

The list of young men who have been Dear John’d is long and distinguished. It continues to grow each year. No matter how many times she tells you she loves you and awaits your return, no matter how many care packages she sends, no matter how often she writes you, she won’t make it.

The sad or frustrating thing about it is that she means it when she says it. Really, she is being sincere and wants to wait for you, but like an alcoholic let loose at a free Octoberfest celebration, she will fall off the wagon. Of course, you’ll find the occasional exception to this rule. But remember, my son, the title of this book isn’t 7 totally infallible truths; it’s 7 highly likely truths. So while your maternal grandfather and grandmother waited for each other, it probably ain’t going to happen for you. But don’t lose heart. It’s really not your fault.

Think of the environment she’s living in. She’s preparing herself to become a wife and mother. Over 250 times on Sunday at Young Women’s meetings (6 years * 40-some weeks of regular church meetings) she has recited the Young Women’s values which includes: "We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation." Said another way: “I am preparing to be a wife and mother—it’s my purpose in life.”

Her sisters, friends, and roommates are meeting RMs and getting married. She’s attending wedding showers and baby showers—she seeing the attention that those girls are getting right now. At best your offer is at least 24 months away; add in a possible wait of 1-9 months to proposal, and another 1-5 months to marriage and you are talking about 3 years from now. That’s an eternity to a young women (or young man for that matter). That’s like putting a meat snack on the floor and asking your bouncing puppy not to eat it all weekend long. Do you blame the puppy for eating it up?!?!?!? Of course not!

And in thinking about marrying you one day, she’s thinking about marriage in general and how much she wants that in her life. So your plans and intentions are contributing to your own downfall. It’s like a Greek tragedy and you're Oedipus (but in this case you’re not killing your father and marrying your mother).

So the best advice that we can give to you is to accept the highly likely truth. You can keep your girlfriend or you can dump her—just don’t lose your heart and mind to the delusion that you’ll be marrying her one day. If you can just accept that, you’ll be able to focus better on your mission and have a better opinion of women in general.

But here’s the good news buddy—when you get home you’ll be the guy who is convincing the lady of your choice that she shouldn’t wait for her missionary. It doesn’t take much for you to remove the other guy from her daily thoughts. The best way to succeed is to ask her out a bunch. Between her normal routine of either going to school or working (or both), she’ll now have to think about what to wear on those dates, and whether or not you’ll be a good kisser, and if you’re sufficiently similar to her dad, and telling her friends about her new boyfriend, etc. that she won’t have time to write to or think the other sap 6,189 miles away. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel! From what I’ve heard, the ones who are waiting are almost the easiest ones to snatch up. So, just be patient until you get home and then, “Happy Hunting!”