I'm not going to bore you with another analogy about maps, compasses, directions, etc. I'm sure that you've been introduced to a number of these by now--if not, then you either did not go to Girls Camp, missed out on EFY, never read the New Era, never went to a fireside, didn't listen in your Young Women's lessons--basically, you were absent.
You know that it's so easy to get lost if you don't have a point of reference (either from which you are leaving or are headed to). It's also very difficult in life to be happy without having a point of reference. How do you know what "hot" is if you don't know what some exposure to "cold"? It's not just about opposites, but rather about filling in the spectrum of experience so that you have a complete picture and point of reference.
Too many girls are getting married without any points of reference--they are living lives that are empty and shallow. Their lives empty and vapid, they are focused on silly, trivial things. This certainly doesn't apply to all or even most girls, but it does apply to too many. And much too many are living lives that fail to meet their potential; their lives are devoid of any personal growth and development. They are "Barbie" incarnate--little more than a plaything (some, however, come with shiny, attractive accessories!). (Note: if you had to look up the words vapid, devoid, and incarnate, I might be talking about you...ouch, huh?)
Sadly, you are being inundated with message from media sources and society in general that your primary value is in the shape of your body, the color of your hair, how in style your clothes are. You're being told that your aspiration in life is to be provided for, sheltered, luxurious, and leisurely. MTV tells you simultaneously that you're a princess at 16 who deserves to be pampered to the extreme and that the best way to be hot is to dress like a whore and "shake that ass" for a rapper's posse in a music video. You, too, can make on the cast of the Real World if you are willing to dabble in bi-sexuality and mate multiple partners within hours of one another.
Let's see who some of your top icons and role models are (according to the media): Paris Hilton (bimbo playgirl heiress with a sex tape); Lindsey Lohan (bimbo bi-sexual actress with a drug problem); Britney Spears (bimbo deliquint single mother with too many problems to list); etc. Even many of the good girls have lots of issues--they're applauded just because they remember to wear panties when they go out for a night on the town! Do you remember your panties?
Even your LDS boyfriend or the boys you want to date are reinforcing the message that you are only as worthwhile as you are physically attractive. Sadly, YM are mindless predator sharks hungry for an appetizing meal--they're not doing it maliciously, but the fact remains. I'm working on them, too (see the other chapters for YM).
One day it will be worth it to you to be more than an object, more than a Cosmo girl who "like, totally, like, completely, is on the down low." You need to build yourself a life and give yourself the points of reference that will give your existence meaning and richness. You need to do this for you and you need to do it for your husband to be if you want to be happy and fulfilled. That's a very important distinction to make--I'm trying to help you be happy AND fulfilled. You can be a very happy housewife whose primary activites are caring for children, eating bon-bons, picking out hair color, and reading the Twilight series (or Harry Potter). That doesn't mean that you're having an enriching experience that takes advantage of your natural talents and the resources available to you. You have potential and "girl we gonna work it!"
What you need to do as a young woman is get yourself some education and/ or life experience. You have the time, energy, resources to acquire these while you are young. It's not impossible to get education or life experiences when you're older but it is much harder. Your free time is limited as your age (until you're what you would call "old"). It's kinda of like dancing--much easier when you can bend in most directions (try doing a latin-style dance when you're 50--egad!!! Which brings to a tangent--wasn't the old lady Cloris Leachman on Dancing with the Stars freakin' scary? It was like a bad freakshow-when they had her do sexy routines it was akin to watching your parents having sex--not a good thing).
Anyways, you are what you make of yourself. You need to acquire some knowledge of how things work in the world. You need to discover the great treasures of wisdom and learning that mankind has amassed. You need to expose yourself to beauty and truth (no I'm not talking about getting beauty tips from Oprah or Tyra Banks). You need to find paths to wander down (not shopping ailses); you need to find meaningful daily activity (other than choosing an outfit); you need to find a reason for being. If you weren't sure by what I meant without reading the quips in the parentheses, then you're in trouble--as in, are you suffering from a lack of oxygen? Are you reading this or do you have to have it read to you?.. Education and life experiences are the gateway to finding fulfillment.
Note: being a housewife and mother can be a VERY fulfilling and purposeful activity/role. While some (many, most, or even all) of the housewifey and mothery duties can be unfulfilling, mundane, and dull--they are only the functional means to a very good end--producing healthy, stable, productive citizens. Don't jump to conclusions that I'm gonna say burn that bra and get in the workplace. If you become a mother, wear a bra. Please.
Education and life experiences can be acquired in a variety of manners. Not everyone has to go to college; not everyone has to go to work. Those are two very effective and well traveled paths, ones you would do well to consider. You can also serve a mission, do volunteer work, self study, pursue interests that expand your horizons. You need to assert yourself and do things for yourself. Those are two wonderful things that come from getting an education or from working or doing other worthwhile things .
The third benefit is that you become your own person. As a child you are dependent on your parents and teachers and other adults to point the way, to tell you what to think, and what to do. Part of your maturation into adulthood is learning how to identify the way, thinking for yourself, choosing what to do. Having an education (formal or informal) and/or life experiences makes you an unique individual and gives you some substance. You'll be able to stand on your own and have worth in your own right.
Note: You don't get credit for your spouse and their education or life experiences. You don't get vicarious credit for what your husband does or might have experienced. Just in the same way that you are not a Returned Missionary because your husband is an RM, you are not an engineer because he is an engineer. If your husband owns or operates a business, you are not a business owner (helping out with some office duties or supervising the receptionist does not count--you have to spend equal time and have equal involvement day-in and day-out.).
Two of the women that I know personally and respect very much are very smart (my mother and my wife)--they have graduated from college and worked, but more importantly, they have continued to grow after the fact. My mother is one of the brightest people I know and I think that it would be safe to say that much of what she has learned she learned after getting married. Certainly, going to college probably taught her something about how to learn on her own. Gaining education and life experiences is a life long pursuit. You'll have to read non-fiction and the news, watch good TV programming, go places, do things (going places and doing things do not include going to get a manicure--yes you'll get your manicure from a little Korean man, but that's not really going international. Oh, I can't help myself. Ok, say the following with your best Korean accent: "You have very bad cuticles! Very ugly. You want flower? I make you very sexy flower for $5"). If you can name all of the characters from Grey's Anatomy but can't name more than 2 of the 9 Supreme Court Justices or both your US senators, then you're misplacing your focus (yes, you can still have guilty pleasures btw). Hey, Grey's Anatomy fans--hate the play, not the player!
This is starting to get very long so let's get to some summary points: First and foremost, education and/or life experiences will make your life more fulfilling and enriched. You'll have the benefit of knowing what life offers and what you can achieve. You'll be able to better appreciate the high and lows, beauty and ugliness, truth and falsehoods. You'll know who you are and what you can become. You might even get to be in my circle of friends (I mean, if you want to be friends...Check the yes or no box at the bottom of this note...No, I haven't grown up past 7th grade and I just want someone to check yes because nobody would check yes in the 7th grade and it scarred me and I wasn't able to kiss a girl until I was almost 18, ok, I was able but didn't get to and I think that it all had to do with the notes in 7th grade--what the hell is happening, I can't stop typing and revealing personal secrets, kill me now, somebody stop me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!).
Having some education and/or life experiences will make motherhood more fulfilling because you'll appreciate the consequences of your role and will have maybe have a better idea of how to do it.
Having some education and/or life experiences will make you a better wife and spouse because you'll be an equal partner and he'll treat you like it. You'll be a confidant he can turn to because you'll be able to think out situations with him. You'll be a source of information, insight, and ideas. He'll be proud of you and will think of you as more than just an object and staff member in his household.
Having these will also have the benefit of pushing your husband to be a better person. He'll want to keep up with you. He'll want to do more than just watch sports and Sportscenter. He'll want to talk to you about stuff (always a tough one)! Anything you can do to help him be better, is good for you, too. That's a point to remember.
twilight, bon-bons, and hair color...who told you what i did yesterday?
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